Otherwise, call me cynical, but I simply don't trust his review of the flick.
AK
Monday, March 5, 2007
The Big Three: 3.5 (Weekend Update)
Spring imitates summer as the Royals finish the first week of spring training at 1-3 (that faint hiss you heard was the last vestiges of unrealistic, wholesome, almost child-like optimism leaking out of the midwest) while the billion dollar Cubs are 0-3. Nothing that can't be cured when Jason Marquis rounds into form. The Heat may get D-Wade back, and NHL is rolling towards the playoffs. Sunday night's clash of the west's top two seeds delivered large on the Intensity-and-Excitement-O'-Meter. But the weekend was all about college hoops, with teams playing themselves in and out of the tourney, and blood spilled (literally and poetically) across courts nationwide.
1) How Freakin' Good is Kevin Durant? And Kansas?: Maybe if Durant, like OSU's Greg Oden, looked like he was 38 and straight out of a short-shorts 1980s NBA highlight package instead of the thin, babyfaced kid he is, the debate over this year's NBA #1 would be different. But for a half in Lawrence, he absolutely torched the Jayhawks. 25 points from everywhere on the court as UT built a 12 point lead at halftime. Then, because college sports rock, KU came out of the locker room sharper than Ken Jennings, ripped off a huge run, and took the lead. Durant turns an ankle at the 11 minute mark and isn't the same guy, Texas can't recover, and KU wins 90-86. By the way, the Jayhawks are now the country's #2 team.
2) Maybe Rip Hamilton Can Loan Him a Mask: Sunday in Chapel Hill, Duke looked a lot more like the team that dropped out of the Top 25 around Valentine's Day than the 14th ranked team in the nation, losing to North Carolina 86-72. It was a sludgy game without fireworks until UNC's Tyler Hansbrough took a wicked elbow from Duke's Gerald Henderson with 14.5, and bled like a cheesy horror movie back to the locker room. That led to some fun Coach K vs. Roy Williams "Starters shouldn't have been out there!" talk, the likes of which we haven't seen since Isiah Thomas unleashed Mardy Collins on J.R. Smith.
3) Busted Busters: While Hansbrough left a few pints on the hardwood, the at large tourney hopes of the Colonial Athletic Association basically bled out. Those of you itching to become this year's office genius by penciling in Drexel to the Sweet 16 may end up disappointed. The Dragons lost in the CAA semis to top seeded Virginia Commonwealth, 63-56, meaning their impressive slate of non-conference road wins (St. Joe's, Syracuse, Villanova) will get them plenty of love from the NIT selection committee. As for Old Dominion, they were spanked by George Mason (remember them?), 79-63, and at 24-8 will likely join Drexel in the lil' tourney, despite a November win at Georgetown. Mason may have softened the Big Dance selection committee's hearts a little with last year's Final Four run... but not enough to help these slayed giant killers. Is it too late to jump on the Winthrop bandwagon?
1) How Freakin' Good is Kevin Durant? And Kansas?: Maybe if Durant, like OSU's Greg Oden, looked like he was 38 and straight out of a short-shorts 1980s NBA highlight package instead of the thin, babyfaced kid he is, the debate over this year's NBA #1 would be different. But for a half in Lawrence, he absolutely torched the Jayhawks. 25 points from everywhere on the court as UT built a 12 point lead at halftime. Then, because college sports rock, KU came out of the locker room sharper than Ken Jennings, ripped off a huge run, and took the lead. Durant turns an ankle at the 11 minute mark and isn't the same guy, Texas can't recover, and KU wins 90-86. By the way, the Jayhawks are now the country's #2 team.
2) Maybe Rip Hamilton Can Loan Him a Mask: Sunday in Chapel Hill, Duke looked a lot more like the team that dropped out of the Top 25 around Valentine's Day than the 14th ranked team in the nation, losing to North Carolina 86-72. It was a sludgy game without fireworks until UNC's Tyler Hansbrough took a wicked elbow from Duke's Gerald Henderson with 14.5, and bled like a cheesy horror movie back to the locker room. That led to some fun Coach K vs. Roy Williams "Starters shouldn't have been out there!" talk, the likes of which we haven't seen since Isiah Thomas unleashed Mardy Collins on J.R. Smith.
3) Busted Busters: While Hansbrough left a few pints on the hardwood, the at large tourney hopes of the Colonial Athletic Association basically bled out. Those of you itching to become this year's office genius by penciling in Drexel to the Sweet 16 may end up disappointed. The Dragons lost in the CAA semis to top seeded Virginia Commonwealth, 63-56, meaning their impressive slate of non-conference road wins (St. Joe's, Syracuse, Villanova) will get them plenty of love from the NIT selection committee. As for Old Dominion, they were spanked by George Mason (remember them?), 79-63, and at 24-8 will likely join Drexel in the lil' tourney, despite a November win at Georgetown. Mason may have softened the Big Dance selection committee's hearts a little with last year's Final Four run... but not enough to help these slayed giant killers. Is it too late to jump on the Winthrop bandwagon?
Saturday, March 3, 2007
The Worst of the Best- Western Conference
Dallas never loses. Phoenix barely loses. San Antonio looks ready to stop losing for a while. Toss in Houston (Yao's almost back!) and Utah (they'd be the #1 seed back east) and the top five in the Western Conference are solid as a rock, Ashford and Simpson style. At least as it pertained to playoff qualification, the same could have been said about the Lakers, until the injury bug that has dogged them all season bit again with the news that Lamar Odom will return to the shelf with a torn labrum. Suddenly the five game gap between the six seed they occupy and the nine doesn't seem so vast, and the list of teams vying to play lamb to a top seed's ritual sacrifice has grown. Earlier in the week, I broke down the low seeds in the Eastern Conference playoff ladder. Today, I lay odds on the W.C. starting from the bottom of the conference (as of 3.3) and working up.
Portland (1,000-1): They're only 3.5 games out of the eight spot... but have four teams to jump and are a sub .500 team at home. Not good. Really, they just deserve kudos because nary a single Blazer has been brought up on felony charges this year.
Golden State (986-1): They don't have Portland's winning at home issues, but 6-24 on the road? Good lord. Hard to go on a late season run with that in the holster. Plus, I have a working theory that the Warriors will never make the playoffs again that I'm holding to until proven wrong.
Minnesota (15-1): The Wolves have a negative point differential (95.9 vs. 97.9), and a wretched road mark (9-18). And despite having the NBA's best sideburn/facial hair combination, Ricky Davis isn't exactly known as an elevator of teammates. Still, they do have that K.G. fellow, and a burning desire to keep him happy in PrinceTown. Maybe if Glen Taylor can pay off the teams they're chasing...
Sacramento (7-1): Kevin Martin has the best skinny-to-production ratio than Kevin Martin, hands down, nearly doubling his ppg this year (21.3 from 10.8), and is shooting 50% from the floor. Unfortunately, his rise has coincided with Brad Miller's dip (15/8 to 9.7/6.6). They've treaded water all year, and at some point will drown.
New Orleans/Oklahoma City (3-1): By all rights, they should be chillin' with Portland and Seattle, given all the injuries. But now Chris Paul and David West are back, with Peja Stojakovic hopefully to follow. They're about the only team on this list who aren't playing like they have travel plans for early May.
Denver (3-1): Right now, they're a better NBA Live team than a live NBA team. No D, bad shots, fundamentals that would make Hank Iba cry. Still, here's hoping they finish in the seven spot, so we get four or five 500 point games in a Nuggets/Suns series.
Los Angeles Clippers (3.5-1): They're in today, but how about tomorrow? Sean Livingston is out, Corey Maggette wants out, and if Sam Cassell can't get healthy, they're in serious trouble. Chris Kaman never should have cut his hair. Didn't work for Samson, either.
Los Angeles Lakers (1.5.1): Between L.O., Luke Walton, Kwame Brown, Mo Evans, "Slalom" Radmanovic, and Chris Mihm, it's as if the Lakers collectively watched the basketball equivalent of video from "The Ring." Whoever watches it blows a joint. Fortunately, they've got Kobe, Phil Jackson and (most importantly) a five game cushion between them and the nine spot.
My projections? Lakers sixth, Hornets seventh, Denver eighth.
BK
Portland (1,000-1): They're only 3.5 games out of the eight spot... but have four teams to jump and are a sub .500 team at home. Not good. Really, they just deserve kudos because nary a single Blazer has been brought up on felony charges this year.
Golden State (986-1): They don't have Portland's winning at home issues, but 6-24 on the road? Good lord. Hard to go on a late season run with that in the holster. Plus, I have a working theory that the Warriors will never make the playoffs again that I'm holding to until proven wrong.
Minnesota (15-1): The Wolves have a negative point differential (95.9 vs. 97.9), and a wretched road mark (9-18). And despite having the NBA's best sideburn/facial hair combination, Ricky Davis isn't exactly known as an elevator of teammates. Still, they do have that K.G. fellow, and a burning desire to keep him happy in PrinceTown. Maybe if Glen Taylor can pay off the teams they're chasing...
Sacramento (7-1): Kevin Martin has the best skinny-to-production ratio than Kevin Martin, hands down, nearly doubling his ppg this year (21.3 from 10.8), and is shooting 50% from the floor. Unfortunately, his rise has coincided with Brad Miller's dip (15/8 to 9.7/6.6). They've treaded water all year, and at some point will drown.
New Orleans/Oklahoma City (3-1): By all rights, they should be chillin' with Portland and Seattle, given all the injuries. But now Chris Paul and David West are back, with Peja Stojakovic hopefully to follow. They're about the only team on this list who aren't playing like they have travel plans for early May.
Denver (3-1): Right now, they're a better NBA Live team than a live NBA team. No D, bad shots, fundamentals that would make Hank Iba cry. Still, here's hoping they finish in the seven spot, so we get four or five 500 point games in a Nuggets/Suns series.
Los Angeles Clippers (3.5-1): They're in today, but how about tomorrow? Sean Livingston is out, Corey Maggette wants out, and if Sam Cassell can't get healthy, they're in serious trouble. Chris Kaman never should have cut his hair. Didn't work for Samson, either.
Los Angeles Lakers (1.5.1): Between L.O., Luke Walton, Kwame Brown, Mo Evans, "Slalom" Radmanovic, and Chris Mihm, it's as if the Lakers collectively watched the basketball equivalent of video from "The Ring." Whoever watches it blows a joint. Fortunately, they've got Kobe, Phil Jackson and (most importantly) a five game cushion between them and the nine spot.
My projections? Lakers sixth, Hornets seventh, Denver eighth.
BK
Maybe Jerome James Needs One of These
After all, if a prosthetic tail could get Fuji the Dolphin exercising, active, and full of vigor, maybe it can do the same for the generally inert Knicks big man.
BK
BK
Friday, March 2, 2007
W2W4- Weekend Edition
Because nobody should couch surf without a map...
And on the Eighth Day, God Created 14-16 seeds: Championship week swings into full gear, particularly in some of those fun little conferences that someday aspire to be mid-majors, filled with directionally heavy schools (Coastal Carolina of the Big South, East Tennessee State of the Atlantic Sun), state schools for places that aren't actually states (Appalachian State of the Southern), and schools that rhyme with bigger schools with which we're all familiar (Samford of the Ohio Valley). Fine institutions all, but from a college sports standpoint they're what the average fan would call "random." But make no mistake, these conference tourney games are played balls to the wall, because as good as, say, Austin Peay has been on their way to an Ohio Valley regular season championship, they're not dancing without a win in the conference tournament. Just like 27-4 Winthrop, who ran the table in their Big South season (14-0) could be S.O.L. if they don't get past VMI on Saturday in the title game. The fun continues into next week, and it's a lot more fun than watching big conference teams who know their entry into the 65 team field is sewn up mail it in.
San Antonio vs. Houston (Saturday, 8:30 p.m. EST): A battle for the right to be called the second best team in Texas. More importantly, if the Rockets (currently four games back) want to have any chance of catching the Spurs in the Southwest, they absolutely, positively must win Saturday evening. And since the Spurs seem to have started our, "we're old, but not dead yet" late season vet team push, it won't be easy. T-Mac is back in the lineup, but the Rockets are still short one tall Chinese guy to man the paint. They held up for a while without Yao, but a 6-6 February indicates they're starting to feel the squeeze.
Nashville vs. Anaheim (Sunday, 8:00 p.m. EST): The top two seeds in the Western Conference drop the puck in the O.C. Because the Ducks have slowed down enough over their last ten games (4-3-3), Dallas is no longer an object closer than they appear in Anaheim's rear-view mirror- at five points back, they're just close. Time for Pronger, Niedermayer, and Co. to get quackin'. Get it? Quackin? (Sorry.) The Predators are locked in with Buffalo and the Red Wings for a shot at home ice throughout the playoffs, a big deal for a team that's bulletproof in their building (27-5-4) but slightly squishier on the road (20-13). After going scoreless in his first three games as a Pred, Peter Forsberg posted three in his next trio, and Nashville will need him to keep producing if they're going to sink those oversized tiger teeth into the President's Trophy.
And on the Eighth Day, God Created 14-16 seeds: Championship week swings into full gear, particularly in some of those fun little conferences that someday aspire to be mid-majors, filled with directionally heavy schools (Coastal Carolina of the Big South, East Tennessee State of the Atlantic Sun), state schools for places that aren't actually states (Appalachian State of the Southern), and schools that rhyme with bigger schools with which we're all familiar (Samford of the Ohio Valley). Fine institutions all, but from a college sports standpoint they're what the average fan would call "random." But make no mistake, these conference tourney games are played balls to the wall, because as good as, say, Austin Peay has been on their way to an Ohio Valley regular season championship, they're not dancing without a win in the conference tournament. Just like 27-4 Winthrop, who ran the table in their Big South season (14-0) could be S.O.L. if they don't get past VMI on Saturday in the title game. The fun continues into next week, and it's a lot more fun than watching big conference teams who know their entry into the 65 team field is sewn up mail it in.
San Antonio vs. Houston (Saturday, 8:30 p.m. EST): A battle for the right to be called the second best team in Texas. More importantly, if the Rockets (currently four games back) want to have any chance of catching the Spurs in the Southwest, they absolutely, positively must win Saturday evening. And since the Spurs seem to have started our, "we're old, but not dead yet" late season vet team push, it won't be easy. T-Mac is back in the lineup, but the Rockets are still short one tall Chinese guy to man the paint. They held up for a while without Yao, but a 6-6 February indicates they're starting to feel the squeeze.
Nashville vs. Anaheim (Sunday, 8:00 p.m. EST): The top two seeds in the Western Conference drop the puck in the O.C. Because the Ducks have slowed down enough over their last ten games (4-3-3), Dallas is no longer an object closer than they appear in Anaheim's rear-view mirror- at five points back, they're just close. Time for Pronger, Niedermayer, and Co. to get quackin'. Get it? Quackin? (Sorry.) The Predators are locked in with Buffalo and the Red Wings for a shot at home ice throughout the playoffs, a big deal for a team that's bulletproof in their building (27-5-4) but slightly squishier on the road (20-13). After going scoreless in his first three games as a Pred, Peter Forsberg posted three in his next trio, and Nashville will need him to keep producing if they're going to sink those oversized tiger teeth into the President's Trophy.
Settle Down, Beavis!
As my man Butthead used to say.
Seriously, we all love seeing teammates pick each other up. And this game was huge for the Longhorns, so emotions were obviously high. Plsu, as every analyst spewing cliches will remind you, "these guys are competitors." But Damion James could have gotten T'ed up for the slap he put on his buddy A.J. Abrams. I don't blame Abrams for reacting like he was about to start swinging. That was just shy of S&M video material. Joan Crawford never spanked her kids that hard.
Then again, Abrams hit 4 treys during his turnover-free game, so who's to say James doesn't know how to fire up a teammate?
AK
Seriously, we all love seeing teammates pick each other up. And this game was huge for the Longhorns, so emotions were obviously high. Plsu, as every analyst spewing cliches will remind you, "these guys are competitors." But Damion James could have gotten T'ed up for the slap he put on his buddy A.J. Abrams. I don't blame Abrams for reacting like he was about to start swinging. That was just shy of S&M video material. Joan Crawford never spanked her kids that hard.
Then again, Abrams hit 4 treys during his turnover-free game, so who's to say James doesn't know how to fire up a teammate?
AK
Imagine the Damage If the Noise Had Actually Been Loud
I love golf, and have an enormous amount of respect for the skill of those who make a living playing it. But when some complain that professional golfers are non-athlete prima donnas who must have all potential distractions no matter how minor squashed like a bug on a windshield, this is kind of what they're talking about.
BK
BK
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Question of the Day: On Outrage or Indifference
Child psychologists often say violet television has a negative impact on kids and their intellectual and social growth. (Personally, I think they may be right, since I watched plenty of wrestling and action movies as a kid, and turned into a sportswriter. With more appropriate fare, I could have cured cancer or invented TiVO.) Basically, repeated exposure to blood and gor desensitizes our youth to the actual implications of actual violence. I'm wondering if a similar numbing is happening with pro sports and steroids. The news that prosecutors in New York have blown the lid off an alleged steroid/HGH racket, with implications that have reached into football and (shocker!) baseball- Gary Mathews Jr., you've got some 'splaining to do- is yet another float in the parade of drug news, following BALCO, the Carolina Panthers, and Jason Grimsley, to name a few. And while each provides an opportunity to giggle at name of ubiquitous WADA kingpin Dick Pound, they also add noise to an increasingly exhausting conversation.
Personally, while my disapproval meter is still sharp, whatever sense of outrage I had when steroids became the new black (and I think it had already been dulled by an acute awareness of the entire situation's obviousness, especially as applied to baseball) is gone. If I learned tomorrow that the Royals have been operating an HGH lab in their clubhouse for the last five seasons, my only question would be why they still sucked. My perception of sports and athletes has been altered. The specifics are less important. But I wonder about how the average fan feels. Revenues and attendance have MLB flush with cash and Sundays are still quasi-national holidays. Indignation only really matters if it shuts off the cash flow, and thus far, it seems like fans aren't voting with their wallets.
So here's my question (and a few follow ups): Where do you stand on steroids? Have the rumors that so dominate headlines made you angrier, or do you look past them now like telephone poles? How much has your love for "the game" (whatever game it may be) been diminished by drug scandals? And, most importantly, has it kept you from consuming the product?
BK
Personally, while my disapproval meter is still sharp, whatever sense of outrage I had when steroids became the new black (and I think it had already been dulled by an acute awareness of the entire situation's obviousness, especially as applied to baseball) is gone. If I learned tomorrow that the Royals have been operating an HGH lab in their clubhouse for the last five seasons, my only question would be why they still sucked. My perception of sports and athletes has been altered. The specifics are less important. But I wonder about how the average fan feels. Revenues and attendance have MLB flush with cash and Sundays are still quasi-national holidays. Indignation only really matters if it shuts off the cash flow, and thus far, it seems like fans aren't voting with their wallets.
So here's my question (and a few follow ups): Where do you stand on steroids? Have the rumors that so dominate headlines made you angrier, or do you look past them now like telephone poles? How much has your love for "the game" (whatever game it may be) been diminished by drug scandals? And, most importantly, has it kept you from consuming the product?
BK
The Big Three: 3.2
So whose streak will end first? The one where the sun rises in the east, or the one where Roger Federer never loses? Right now, it's a dead heat. On to the big stories of the day.
1) Upset Specials: The topsy turvy, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! ACC got a little topsier, a little turvier, and a lot Not-Butterier after Georgia Tech spanked visiting North Carolina- the eighth ranked Tar Heels to you, buddy- 84-77. The Yellow Jackets were paced by freshman forward Thaddeus Young (25 points), Javaris Crittendon (11 dimes), and Anthony Morrow (18 points) and gave a boost to their NCAA hopes. The good news for Carolina? They didn't repeat the debacle of last Sunday, when the blew a 12 point lead with seven minutes to go in a loss to Maryland. Instead, they solved that problem by never leading after the 12.:59 mark of the first half. Meanwhile, the ninth-ranked Wolfpack of Nevada were buried by the Utah State Aggies (who at 21-9 don't suck) 79-77, when Chaz Spicer buried a pair of freebies with 3.8 ticks left. Those who look upon Nevada's now 13-2 record in the WAC with the same suspicious eye a jeweler does cubic zirconium will not be impressed by this result. Finally, the 14-18 Keydets (not a typo) of VMI bounced 22-10 High Point from the Big South Tournament, saving them the trouble of possibly being bounced in the first round of the NCAAs.
Love for Lovie: Frankly, we were appalled by the delay. The man led Rex Grossman- Rex Grossman!- to the Super Bowl. But Bears head coach Lovie Smith finally has his contract extension, and it's pretty swanky, too. Four years, $22 million, with a $2.05 mil signing bonus, effective after next season. Very nice, high five! Of course, Dick Jauron and Dave Wannstedt can vouch for the fact that such deals don't guarantee five more years of Lovie, but that's not the point. Some were shocked to see the miserly-by-reputation Bears part with that much cash in what they swear were not contentious negotiations. But it's over now, and management can turn their attention to finding fresh ways to make the passing game inept.
Shorthanded, Schmorthanded: The New York Rangers' generally effective power play was on display Thursday night, producing three goals. Unfortunately, two were for visiting Pittsburgh, who pulled out a 4-3 shootout win. Sidney Crosby squeezed a shot through Henrik Lundquist for the only goal in extra-extra action, converting for only the second time in ten shootout chances. That's a little odd. But in watching their special teams betray them, losing a 2-0 third period lead, and dropping to under .500 at the Garden, the Rangers all at once missed out on a much needed point in the playoff race and provided NYC MediaZilla headline writers a treat. The Pens, on the other hand, pulled to within three points of fourth seeded Ottawa in the Eastern Conference.
Honorable Mention: Joe Horn says Joe Horn would rather be released than accept a pay cut for Joe Horn. But Joe Horn likely wasn't exactly shocked to see the Cowboys release Drew Bledsoe. Joe Horn saw the writing on the wall.
1) Upset Specials: The topsy turvy, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! ACC got a little topsier, a little turvier, and a lot Not-Butterier after Georgia Tech spanked visiting North Carolina- the eighth ranked Tar Heels to you, buddy- 84-77. The Yellow Jackets were paced by freshman forward Thaddeus Young (25 points), Javaris Crittendon (11 dimes), and Anthony Morrow (18 points) and gave a boost to their NCAA hopes. The good news for Carolina? They didn't repeat the debacle of last Sunday, when the blew a 12 point lead with seven minutes to go in a loss to Maryland. Instead, they solved that problem by never leading after the 12.:59 mark of the first half. Meanwhile, the ninth-ranked Wolfpack of Nevada were buried by the Utah State Aggies (who at 21-9 don't suck) 79-77, when Chaz Spicer buried a pair of freebies with 3.8 ticks left. Those who look upon Nevada's now 13-2 record in the WAC with the same suspicious eye a jeweler does cubic zirconium will not be impressed by this result. Finally, the 14-18 Keydets (not a typo) of VMI bounced 22-10 High Point from the Big South Tournament, saving them the trouble of possibly being bounced in the first round of the NCAAs.
Love for Lovie: Frankly, we were appalled by the delay. The man led Rex Grossman- Rex Grossman!- to the Super Bowl. But Bears head coach Lovie Smith finally has his contract extension, and it's pretty swanky, too. Four years, $22 million, with a $2.05 mil signing bonus, effective after next season. Very nice, high five! Of course, Dick Jauron and Dave Wannstedt can vouch for the fact that such deals don't guarantee five more years of Lovie, but that's not the point. Some were shocked to see the miserly-by-reputation Bears part with that much cash in what they swear were not contentious negotiations. But it's over now, and management can turn their attention to finding fresh ways to make the passing game inept.
Shorthanded, Schmorthanded: The New York Rangers' generally effective power play was on display Thursday night, producing three goals. Unfortunately, two were for visiting Pittsburgh, who pulled out a 4-3 shootout win. Sidney Crosby squeezed a shot through Henrik Lundquist for the only goal in extra-extra action, converting for only the second time in ten shootout chances. That's a little odd. But in watching their special teams betray them, losing a 2-0 third period lead, and dropping to under .500 at the Garden, the Rangers all at once missed out on a much needed point in the playoff race and provided NYC MediaZilla headline writers a treat. The Pens, on the other hand, pulled to within three points of fourth seeded Ottawa in the Eastern Conference.
Honorable Mention: Joe Horn says Joe Horn would rather be released than accept a pay cut for Joe Horn. But Joe Horn likely wasn't exactly shocked to see the Cowboys release Drew Bledsoe. Joe Horn saw the writing on the wall.
Who Gets More Sympathy?
Tommy Lasorda, if these accusations are patently false? Or the... um, employees in question, if he was indeed a customer?
Well, the truth will hopefully reveal itself soon enough. And I'm telling you right now. If it turns out Jody "Babydol" Gibson's accusations aren't true (although really, if an ex-con madam nicknamed "Babydol" with one "L" isn't a credible source, who is?), I'm suing the hell outta this chick for causing my brain to picture one of the least appealing visuals of all time, even if just for a fleeting second. I am beyond damaged. She better have some deep prostitution-cash pockets (or make a boatload in royalties, now that she's a respected author) because this lady is getting taken to the cleaners.
In the category of "people who don't give a rat's ass about being named in this book," I give you, ex-Sex Pistol Steve Jones. My guess is he'll sleep easy. And does anyone else think it's odd that this story managed to break without Charlie Sheen's name being mentioned once?
AK
Well, the truth will hopefully reveal itself soon enough. And I'm telling you right now. If it turns out Jody "Babydol" Gibson's accusations aren't true (although really, if an ex-con madam nicknamed "Babydol" with one "L" isn't a credible source, who is?), I'm suing the hell outta this chick for causing my brain to picture one of the least appealing visuals of all time, even if just for a fleeting second. I am beyond damaged. She better have some deep prostitution-cash pockets (or make a boatload in royalties, now that she's a respected author) because this lady is getting taken to the cleaners.
In the category of "people who don't give a rat's ass about being named in this book," I give you, ex-Sex Pistol Steve Jones. My guess is he'll sleep easy. And does anyone else think it's odd that this story managed to break without Charlie Sheen's name being mentioned once?
AK
W2W4- 3.1
Gentlemen, Start Your Checkbooks!- The NFL free agency period kicks off tonight at 12:01, ET. That's 9:01 p.m. for GMs on the west coast. Plenty of time for them to sign a few backup linebackers and still make last call. Hard to say if the frenzy will be in full force by tomorrow, but there's little doubt it will at some point be followed by its less sexy cousin- team taking brutal cap hits trying to rectify mistakes made signing '07 free agents. Len Pasquarelli lists the 30 most eligible singles, and with whom they might consummate.
#2 UCLA vs. #13 Washington State (10:30 pm, EST)- Ben Howland's Bruins have already wrapped up a share of the Pac-10 title, but greedy little things that they are, want the whole thing. They can get it with a win Saturday against Washington, or with a win tonight against the Cougars. Pullman, which undoubtedly would be a first round pick in anybody's "Least Sexy Places to Recruit College Players" Fantasy Draft, is normally a relatively easy place to grab a road win because WSU normally sucks at hoops. Not so much this year. The Cougars are 14-1 at Wallis Beasley Performing Arts Coliseum (not quite as intimidating as say, "The Pit," but you do with what you have). Wazoo coach Tony Bennett has his team angling for a lofty NCAA seed with their suffocating D that has limited opponents to only 57.8 ppg and a .394 fg percentage, first and second in the conference, respectively. Offensively, they make Howland's squad look like Loyola Marymount, too. Our recommendation? Take the under.
#2 UCLA vs. #13 Washington State (10:30 pm, EST)- Ben Howland's Bruins have already wrapped up a share of the Pac-10 title, but greedy little things that they are, want the whole thing. They can get it with a win Saturday against Washington, or with a win tonight against the Cougars. Pullman, which undoubtedly would be a first round pick in anybody's "Least Sexy Places to Recruit College Players" Fantasy Draft, is normally a relatively easy place to grab a road win because WSU normally sucks at hoops. Not so much this year. The Cougars are 14-1 at Wallis Beasley Performing Arts Coliseum (not quite as intimidating as say, "The Pit," but you do with what you have). Wazoo coach Tony Bennett has his team angling for a lofty NCAA seed with their suffocating D that has limited opponents to only 57.8 ppg and a .394 fg percentage, first and second in the conference, respectively. Offensively, they make Howland's squad look like Loyola Marymount, too. Our recommendation? Take the under.
Or, If Your Kid Can't Kick...
More news proving that left-handed relievers truly do own the world, even when they're not that good, while the rest of us just rent. While I'm sure journeyman lefty Matt White really wants to make the Dodgers roster this spring, it's clear that some of the do-or-die financial ramifications of not making the final 25 have been mitigated by the news that some property he bought three years ago for 50K to help out an elderly aunt has something in the neighborhood of two billion dollars in quarry stone on it.
Two billion! For that kind of money, White can, as Krusty the Clown once did, enjoy condor egg omlettes and buy a new house whenever his current one gets dirty. He can give Jason Schmidt a stack of $1000 bills to mop the sweat off his bald head. Hell, White could buy the team from Frank McCourt, make himself the closer and play third base the rest of the time. Now take some deep breaths, count to ten... and run out into your yard with a shovel looking for rocks.
BK
Two billion! For that kind of money, White can, as Krusty the Clown once did, enjoy condor egg omlettes and buy a new house whenever his current one gets dirty. He can give Jason Schmidt a stack of $1000 bills to mop the sweat off his bald head. Hell, White could buy the team from Frank McCourt, make himself the closer and play third base the rest of the time. Now take some deep breaths, count to ten... and run out into your yard with a shovel looking for rocks.
BK
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
The Worst of the Best- Eastern Conference
So I called the NBA league office today, and they confirmed for me that by rule, eight teams must make the playoffs in the Eastern Conference, regardless of quality.* Same for the Western Conference, except the caliber of ordinariness is substantially higher. In both, the prospect of a sub .500 squad cracking the golden ocho is a lot easier to wrap your head around than, say, a scoring title for Adonal Foyle. But which semi-average team is the most semi-averagetacular? In the W.C., seeds 1-6 are as close to mortal locks as can be with 20 + games to go. Heading eastward, everyone Chicago and north (standings wise, not geographically) is safe. So what teams will "earn" the right to be eliminated by the NBA's quality squads? Let's break down the odds of qualifying for the postseason, starting with the East:
*The call didn't actually happen, but writing it allows me to be extra snarky in my evaluation of the East. I'm that edgy.
Since an 8-2 run can vault one team over about six others, just about everyone is theoretically alive. Just about.
Boston (1,000,000,000-1): No conference is that bad.
Philadelphia, Milwaukee (10,000-1): Impressive as the Sixers two game win streak (including a Vegas busting upset of the Suns Wednesday night) has been, they'll need more than Willie Green power to get them in. As for the Bucks, I saw Bobby Simmons at the post office on Beverly last week. Since they're not making the playoffs, I thought I'd mention it.
Atlanta, Charlotte (1,000-1): With identical 22-36 records and chasing the NBA equivalent of MEAC teams, it's not unlikely but not inconceivable that one of these teams could threaten the top eight. Or they could play for more ping pong balls in the Oden/Durant sweepstakes. I recommend the latter. Really, if either one of these teams tanked, would anyone notice?
New York (10-1): Nothing like the world of low expectations. Even if Isiah doesn't get his lads in the playoffs, a 35 win season could be enough to keep him around. It's a perfect mix for sportswriters- no postseason, and the door will be open to more "That's just Zeke being Zeke" personnel moves this summer.
Orlando (8-1): Earlier in the year when Brian Hill's gang were the Next Big Thing in the E.C., this sort of fade seemed unlikely. Then they went 6-17 over their last 23 games. Looks like Dwight Howard's sticker dunk is destined to be the only highlight of the second half.
New Jersey (4-1): Richard Jefferson's on the shelf with Nenad Kristic, and Jason Kidd seems about a dribble or two away from joining them. Bad back, bad ribs, bad divorce? That's a lot to lug around. Still, Jersey has the inside track for the eight spot, the right to be wiped out by Detroit, and a chance to blow it all up this summer.
Miami (3-1): The "D-Wade's gone, but we're okay!" stretch should last about three more games before Miami comes back to Earth and Pat Riley's hip starts acting up again. The only saving grace for the Heat is that Shaq has played so little this year, little has been used from the half-tank he allots to the regular season.
Indiana (1-1): If I'm a GM, I want Danny Granger on my team. But as good as he is, the Pacers are fine only as long as Jermaine O'Neal stays healthy. Once he goes down, then they're a team built around Mike Dunleavy and Troy Murphy. Those guys are Warriors, and everyone knows Warriors don't make the playoffs.
Up next? The odds on seeds seven and eight in the Western Conference.
BK
*The call didn't actually happen, but writing it allows me to be extra snarky in my evaluation of the East. I'm that edgy.
Since an 8-2 run can vault one team over about six others, just about everyone is theoretically alive. Just about.
Boston (1,000,000,000-1): No conference is that bad.
Philadelphia, Milwaukee (10,000-1): Impressive as the Sixers two game win streak (including a Vegas busting upset of the Suns Wednesday night) has been, they'll need more than Willie Green power to get them in. As for the Bucks, I saw Bobby Simmons at the post office on Beverly last week. Since they're not making the playoffs, I thought I'd mention it.
Atlanta, Charlotte (1,000-1): With identical 22-36 records and chasing the NBA equivalent of MEAC teams, it's not unlikely but not inconceivable that one of these teams could threaten the top eight. Or they could play for more ping pong balls in the Oden/Durant sweepstakes. I recommend the latter. Really, if either one of these teams tanked, would anyone notice?
New York (10-1): Nothing like the world of low expectations. Even if Isiah doesn't get his lads in the playoffs, a 35 win season could be enough to keep him around. It's a perfect mix for sportswriters- no postseason, and the door will be open to more "That's just Zeke being Zeke" personnel moves this summer.
Orlando (8-1): Earlier in the year when Brian Hill's gang were the Next Big Thing in the E.C., this sort of fade seemed unlikely. Then they went 6-17 over their last 23 games. Looks like Dwight Howard's sticker dunk is destined to be the only highlight of the second half.
New Jersey (4-1): Richard Jefferson's on the shelf with Nenad Kristic, and Jason Kidd seems about a dribble or two away from joining them. Bad back, bad ribs, bad divorce? That's a lot to lug around. Still, Jersey has the inside track for the eight spot, the right to be wiped out by Detroit, and a chance to blow it all up this summer.
Miami (3-1): The "D-Wade's gone, but we're okay!" stretch should last about three more games before Miami comes back to Earth and Pat Riley's hip starts acting up again. The only saving grace for the Heat is that Shaq has played so little this year, little has been used from the half-tank he allots to the regular season.
Indiana (1-1): If I'm a GM, I want Danny Granger on my team. But as good as he is, the Pacers are fine only as long as Jermaine O'Neal stays healthy. Once he goes down, then they're a team built around Mike Dunleavy and Troy Murphy. Those guys are Warriors, and everyone knows Warriors don't make the playoffs.
Up next? The odds on seeds seven and eight in the Western Conference.
BK
W2W4- 2.28
#6 Texas A&M vs. #15 Texas (9:00 pm ET, on The Deuce, baby!)- No, you haven't forgotten to keep up with that The Far Side page-a-day calendar your mother bought you. It's not football season. Nope, we're about to turn the page on February, and the uber-event of Wednesday night (other than Lost, which those of us on the west coast will be able to see after the game, no DVR required) is a hoops contest between these traditional Lone Star State rivals. At stake, in one form or another, is a crack at the Big 12 title. Both teams are chasing Kansas, who UT will play Saturday, and both can still catch the Jayhawks. We're not breaking out our TI-81s to explain it all, but suffice to say the loser tonight has a Texas sized crimp tossed in those plans.
With a win, A&M can solidify state bragging rights, a swank seed in the tourney, and help reverse some seriously bad rivalry mojo. Fair to say their fancy, non-Aggie neighbors in Austin have had the upper hand athletically over the last decade or so. And while the Horns show up with the biggest gun in any fight- that would be the I'm-so-freakin'-good-I-renamed-the-Greg-Oden-Sweepstakes freshman forward Kevin Durant (averaging 24.7/11.3, with 1.8 blocks and an infinite amount of "Holy crap!"s a game), the Aggies have the better record, and their own star in senior guard Acie Law IV (17.6 ppg, 46.3% from downtown). Very cool name, very good player, Texas-sized game.
BK
With a win, A&M can solidify state bragging rights, a swank seed in the tourney, and help reverse some seriously bad rivalry mojo. Fair to say their fancy, non-Aggie neighbors in Austin have had the upper hand athletically over the last decade or so. And while the Horns show up with the biggest gun in any fight- that would be the I'm-so-freakin'-good-I-renamed-the-Greg-Oden-Sweepstakes freshman forward Kevin Durant (averaging 24.7/11.3, with 1.8 blocks and an infinite amount of "Holy crap!"s a game), the Aggies have the better record, and their own star in senior guard Acie Law IV (17.6 ppg, 46.3% from downtown). Very cool name, very good player, Texas-sized game.
BK
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Big Three: 2.28
Wednesday's Big Stories, :
Gator Bait: Florida's grip on a #1 seed is getting greased pig slippery after dropping their third game in four outings, this time to Tennessee in Knoxville, 86-76. Fair to say the skid has added some tarnish to the 17 game win streak the defending national champs enjoyed earlier this year (No doubt Stetson U. is asking themselves, "How the hell did we lose to those guys?"). In fairness, it was hard to tell if Billy Donovan's squad was spooked by UT's Chris Lofton and JaJuan Smith (21 and 16 points respectively), or the sight of legendary Tennessee women's coach Pat Summitt in cheerleader gear and a feather hat. The evidence suggests the latter at least played a part. With Tennessee up three at the 15:29 mark of the first half, Summitt emerged from a pack of (actual) cheerleaders, sang "Rocky Top" at mid-court, then topped a mini-human pyramid. By the end of the half, the Vols had a 19 point lead. You do the math. Florida closed to within nine late in the second half, but a UT run, presumably sparked by coach Bruce Pearl's threat to bring Summitt back on the floor, closed the door on the Gators.
The Mavs Never, Ever Lose: And if they do, it's only with the purpose of starting 13 game win streaks. Their 91-65 beatdown of the Wolves in Minneapolis (somewhere, Prince is crying) gave Dallas their second such victory run of the season, and their third of 10 games or more. That Dirk Nowitzki went off for 24/13/3, Josh Howard had 17 and Jason Terry 18 (along with seven dimes) is all well and good, but it's more fun to look at the absolutely goofy numbers the Mavs are posting these days. They've put the NBA on tilt. Dallas is now 11-0 on the back end of back-to-backs. They didn't lose in February. Yes, it's a short month, but still, that's good. And in the category of "Things That Just Didn't Happen Under Nellie," they held Minnesota to a franchise low 65 points, on a franchise low 29.6% from the floor. Even the Celtics look at 65 points and say, "Wow, that sucks."
People You Won't See On Television Changing Addresses: Surely you've read about this sport called "hockey," since you're likely not seeing it on TV. But when the dust settled on the NHL's trade deadline, some pretty big names were in need of U-Haul vans. Bill Guerin does indeed know the way to San Jose, heading out west from St. Louis to the Sharks in exchange for draft picks and the Earl Boykins of college hockey. The Oilers reached into the chests of their fans and ripped out their hearts, like that wierd guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, trading Brad Smyth to the Islanders, where no doubt the FA-to-be will look for one of them Rick DiPietro deals in exchange for playing for those goofy ass owners. The Red Wings picked up an injured Todd Bertuzzi, while Dallas snagged defenseman Mattias Nordstrom, the hockey equivalent of the Volvos of his homeland.
And One to Grow On: Yes, Pacman Jones has had some trouble of late, but thankfully, people have his back. Awesome.
Gator Bait: Florida's grip on a #1 seed is getting greased pig slippery after dropping their third game in four outings, this time to Tennessee in Knoxville, 86-76. Fair to say the skid has added some tarnish to the 17 game win streak the defending national champs enjoyed earlier this year (No doubt Stetson U. is asking themselves, "How the hell did we lose to those guys?"). In fairness, it was hard to tell if Billy Donovan's squad was spooked by UT's Chris Lofton and JaJuan Smith (21 and 16 points respectively), or the sight of legendary Tennessee women's coach Pat Summitt in cheerleader gear and a feather hat. The evidence suggests the latter at least played a part. With Tennessee up three at the 15:29 mark of the first half, Summitt emerged from a pack of (actual) cheerleaders, sang "Rocky Top" at mid-court, then topped a mini-human pyramid. By the end of the half, the Vols had a 19 point lead. You do the math. Florida closed to within nine late in the second half, but a UT run, presumably sparked by coach Bruce Pearl's threat to bring Summitt back on the floor, closed the door on the Gators.
The Mavs Never, Ever Lose: And if they do, it's only with the purpose of starting 13 game win streaks. Their 91-65 beatdown of the Wolves in Minneapolis (somewhere, Prince is crying) gave Dallas their second such victory run of the season, and their third of 10 games or more. That Dirk Nowitzki went off for 24/13/3, Josh Howard had 17 and Jason Terry 18 (along with seven dimes) is all well and good, but it's more fun to look at the absolutely goofy numbers the Mavs are posting these days. They've put the NBA on tilt. Dallas is now 11-0 on the back end of back-to-backs. They didn't lose in February. Yes, it's a short month, but still, that's good. And in the category of "Things That Just Didn't Happen Under Nellie," they held Minnesota to a franchise low 65 points, on a franchise low 29.6% from the floor. Even the Celtics look at 65 points and say, "Wow, that sucks."
People You Won't See On Television Changing Addresses: Surely you've read about this sport called "hockey," since you're likely not seeing it on TV. But when the dust settled on the NHL's trade deadline, some pretty big names were in need of U-Haul vans. Bill Guerin does indeed know the way to San Jose, heading out west from St. Louis to the Sharks in exchange for draft picks and the Earl Boykins of college hockey. The Oilers reached into the chests of their fans and ripped out their hearts, like that wierd guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, trading Brad Smyth to the Islanders, where no doubt the FA-to-be will look for one of them Rick DiPietro deals in exchange for playing for those goofy ass owners. The Red Wings picked up an injured Todd Bertuzzi, while Dallas snagged defenseman Mattias Nordstrom, the hockey equivalent of the Volvos of his homeland.
And One to Grow On: Yes, Pacman Jones has had some trouble of late, but thankfully, people have his back. Awesome.
The Prank Behind the Prank
By now, most of you have heard about the prank some lil' jokester at Topps played with Derek Jeter's newest card, sticking Dubya in the crowd and Mickey Mantle in the dugout. Well, we've uncovered an even bigger prank that didn't see the light of day, but would no doubt make bigger waves. And outsell Honus Wagner, for sure.
So Steinbrenner won't let the Unit have a 'stache, but Jessica Biel doesn't need to wear a shirt? Seems unfair.
BK
Among the All-Time Disturbing?
As someone who hoped the Los Angeles Clippers would parlay last season's success and new found enthusiasm from a city charged by two theoretical basketball powers into a new era of competitiveness, this season's been nothing short of disappointing. A ridiculous, inexplicable letdown. But whether you're talking about...
A) The public (and waaaaayyyyy distracting) feud between Corey Maggette and Mike Dunleavy that was neither resolved with either increased minutes for the small forward or a trade. Between this situation and the general malaise underway, the "Dunleavy Contract II" era ain't off to a rousing start.
B) Chris Kaman is not only struggling through a injury-laden season, but he also cut his hair. Without the added benefit of laughs induced by his bizarrely hilarious Sasquatch look, "The Artist formerly known as "Caveman" now just comes off like an overpaid white dude. And overpaid white dudes, whether professional athletes, Wall Street employees or Ben Stiller, just aren't all that entertaining.
C) "Rescue Dawn," the Elton Brand-produced arthouse flick with serious award potential (strong festival buzz, a powerhouse Christian Bale performance) saw its release delayed, keeping it from qualifying for 2006's Oscar race. Besides the film losing out on the chance to capitalize on weak competition (I ain't mad at Marty Scorsese, but does anyone really think "The Departed" will be remembered as more than just a make up for "Raging Bull," "Goodfellas" and "Taxi Driver?"), the Clippers lost out on a great story ("Nice guy power forward nominated for a statue!") to distract the public from their weak year.
D) Sam Cassell - More "old" than "sage" this season.
E) Tim Thomas appearing as if his strong work with Phoenix during last year's playoffs was merely a perennial underachiever and former Bulls-exile playing for big bucks and contract security that will immediately de-motivate him, a scenario nobody* could see coming.
... 2006-2007 hadn't officially shifted from a series of revoltin' developments to straight up revolting until 3 minutes into Monday's game against the Bobcats. And by "revolting," I mean, "gross." The only reason I didn't throw up watching Shaun Livingston's knee do a 180 was because I hadn't eaten yet. That said, whole lotta dry heaving goin' on.
But once my stomach settled down to a dull roar, I began thinking about the point guard's injury with a more objective eye. Clearly, the damage was legit, even career-threatening (I wish Shaun all the best in his recovery). And one can make a solid argument that a leg turned backwards wouldn't strike most folks as "pleasant to the eye." But is it really all that nasty in the history of nasty sports injuries? There's only one way to find out, I guess. Compare it to some of the all time... er, "greats" and see if it feels as gruesome.
1985: I remember seeing this when I was 13 and freaking worse than LT. I also distinctly remember being happy that I only played defense and therefore was never the tacklee, just the tackler. As much as Theisman typically annoys me on MNF (and pulls off the "impressive in its own right" feat of rendering Tony Kornheiser unfunny due to his complete lack of spontaneity), I inevitably think back to that hit. And like a guy house training training an pee-flinging but adorable puppy, I just can't stay mad.
1994: Napoleon ain't feeling so dynamite. Then again, when one narrowly avoids amputation, it's not easy to think happy thoughts about ligers and what have you. Thankfully, McCallum managed to find a nice second act in life after his career was cut short.
2002: I live in L.A., so I couldn't go thirty seconds without seeing this clip. Even PBS seemed to be playing it 24/7 (which seemed odd to me, considering their frou-frou intellectual bent, but maybe it was sweeps week).
2003: Whatchu talking about, Willis? Pain. Severe pain.
2005: Wanna know what separates Carlos Beltran and Micket Rourke (aside from three All-Star bids and a gold glove)? Considering Rourke likely has a punch card at his plastic surgeon's office, there's no way the boxing legend would have skipped an offer for facial surgery after this collision.
I don't even know who many of these cats are (except for Clint Malarchuk, because that's a sight permanently seared into one's brain after one viewing), but I'm gonna do the proper research so I can retroactively send them some get-well cards. Certainly well earned on their parts. As for this series, it's all pretty gnarly, although I'm off the opinion that none of the injuries were as painful as the montage's background music.
Soccer. Definitely boring. But not always safe.
I couldn't find any video clips, but Ed McCaffery's leg and Jason Kendall's ankle quickly pop into my head as terrifying.
And finally, skateboarder Pierre Luc-Gagnon doesn't share the actual footage of him busting a knee cap on Tony Hawk's ramp, but the surgery footage is pretty freakin' gross, for those looking outside the box to pick a "winner." And the music's pretty maddening.
So what does everyone think? Does Livingston's knee best those listed above in terms of pure stomach flipping potential? Or as painful as the situation must have been, does it still fall a bit short when stacked against the truly repulsive? And obviously, there must be other injury horrors of significance that just are slipping my mind. If you think I'm missing a worthy candidate, let me know.
Again, the best to Livingston in his recovery.
AK
* - By "nobody," I actually mean "everybody except, apparently, Donald Sterling and Elgin Baylor.""
A) The public (and waaaaayyyyy distracting) feud between Corey Maggette and Mike Dunleavy that was neither resolved with either increased minutes for the small forward or a trade. Between this situation and the general malaise underway, the "Dunleavy Contract II" era ain't off to a rousing start.
B) Chris Kaman is not only struggling through a injury-laden season, but he also cut his hair. Without the added benefit of laughs induced by his bizarrely hilarious Sasquatch look, "The Artist formerly known as "Caveman" now just comes off like an overpaid white dude. And overpaid white dudes, whether professional athletes, Wall Street employees or Ben Stiller, just aren't all that entertaining.
C) "Rescue Dawn," the Elton Brand-produced arthouse flick with serious award potential (strong festival buzz, a powerhouse Christian Bale performance) saw its release delayed, keeping it from qualifying for 2006's Oscar race. Besides the film losing out on the chance to capitalize on weak competition (I ain't mad at Marty Scorsese, but does anyone really think "The Departed" will be remembered as more than just a make up for "Raging Bull," "Goodfellas" and "Taxi Driver?"), the Clippers lost out on a great story ("Nice guy power forward nominated for a statue!") to distract the public from their weak year.
D) Sam Cassell - More "old" than "sage" this season.
E) Tim Thomas appearing as if his strong work with Phoenix during last year's playoffs was merely a perennial underachiever and former Bulls-exile playing for big bucks and contract security that will immediately de-motivate him, a scenario nobody* could see coming.
... 2006-2007 hadn't officially shifted from a series of revoltin' developments to straight up revolting until 3 minutes into Monday's game against the Bobcats. And by "revolting," I mean, "gross." The only reason I didn't throw up watching Shaun Livingston's knee do a 180 was because I hadn't eaten yet. That said, whole lotta dry heaving goin' on.
But once my stomach settled down to a dull roar, I began thinking about the point guard's injury with a more objective eye. Clearly, the damage was legit, even career-threatening (I wish Shaun all the best in his recovery). And one can make a solid argument that a leg turned backwards wouldn't strike most folks as "pleasant to the eye." But is it really all that nasty in the history of nasty sports injuries? There's only one way to find out, I guess. Compare it to some of the all time... er, "greats" and see if it feels as gruesome.
1985: I remember seeing this when I was 13 and freaking worse than LT. I also distinctly remember being happy that I only played defense and therefore was never the tacklee, just the tackler. As much as Theisman typically annoys me on MNF (and pulls off the "impressive in its own right" feat of rendering Tony Kornheiser unfunny due to his complete lack of spontaneity), I inevitably think back to that hit. And like a guy house training training an pee-flinging but adorable puppy, I just can't stay mad.
1994: Napoleon ain't feeling so dynamite. Then again, when one narrowly avoids amputation, it's not easy to think happy thoughts about ligers and what have you. Thankfully, McCallum managed to find a nice second act in life after his career was cut short.
2002: I live in L.A., so I couldn't go thirty seconds without seeing this clip. Even PBS seemed to be playing it 24/7 (which seemed odd to me, considering their frou-frou intellectual bent, but maybe it was sweeps week).
2003: Whatchu talking about, Willis? Pain. Severe pain.
2005: Wanna know what separates Carlos Beltran and Micket Rourke (aside from three All-Star bids and a gold glove)? Considering Rourke likely has a punch card at his plastic surgeon's office, there's no way the boxing legend would have skipped an offer for facial surgery after this collision.
I don't even know who many of these cats are (except for Clint Malarchuk, because that's a sight permanently seared into one's brain after one viewing), but I'm gonna do the proper research so I can retroactively send them some get-well cards. Certainly well earned on their parts. As for this series, it's all pretty gnarly, although I'm off the opinion that none of the injuries were as painful as the montage's background music.
Soccer. Definitely boring. But not always safe.
I couldn't find any video clips, but Ed McCaffery's leg and Jason Kendall's ankle quickly pop into my head as terrifying.
And finally, skateboarder Pierre Luc-Gagnon doesn't share the actual footage of him busting a knee cap on Tony Hawk's ramp, but the surgery footage is pretty freakin' gross, for those looking outside the box to pick a "winner." And the music's pretty maddening.
So what does everyone think? Does Livingston's knee best those listed above in terms of pure stomach flipping potential? Or as painful as the situation must have been, does it still fall a bit short when stacked against the truly repulsive? And obviously, there must be other injury horrors of significance that just are slipping my mind. If you think I'm missing a worthy candidate, let me know.
Again, the best to Livingston in his recovery.
AK
* - By "nobody," I actually mean "everybody except, apparently, Donald Sterling and Elgin Baylor.""
Tiger Town
It's some time between the ungodly hours of seven and eight am when Brandon Inge comes stumbling into the clubhouse looking half-dead. "Ingy's not exactly a morning person," says teammate Jeremy Bonderman. "But he looks especially rough today." A chorus of laughter erupts from the rest of the pitching staff seated near Bonderman, but they aren't reacting to him. Jim Leyland has been tearing back and forth through the players for the past few minutes repeating: "Port Saint Lucie still available!" and they're giggling at their skip. The Tigers are scheduled to play the Reds tomorrow in Port Saint Lucie and the drive is long enough to make everyone want to use their one allotted day off to skip the trip. "Everyone is hiding right now," observed one anonymous Tiger hurler. "It's pretty funny."
The outside wall of the clubhouse doubles as Rotation Row. Mike Maroth, Justin Verlander, Bonderman, Nate Robertson, and Kenny Rogers sit in a line and brag about their video game and golfing exploits. The staff likes to go arcades together during the season to race Indy cars and shoot things in the wilderness. "Bondo plays Safari Hunter but Nate's the best at hunting games," says Verlander. "I'm pretty good at--"
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," interrupts Bonderman.
"Do they even have that game?" asks Verlander.
"I don't know," says Bonderman. "But if they did, you'd be good at it."
During Spring Training in Lakeland, Florida, the rotation goes golfing at either Eaglebrook or Bridgewater. Rogers is the best of the group, playing with a handicap of 2. He's also the ace poker player. "Being as old as he is, he better be the best at everything because he has the most practice," says Verlander, who then adds: "Can you at least mention I said that with a wry grin so I don't get in trouble?"
Curtis Granderson stands in the corner with a bat in his hands, talking about how knowledgeable Tiger fans are. "Old, young, male, female--they know everything," he says. "Most of them tell me I remind them of Chet Lemon. I don't know much about Chet, so I probably need to go and watch some tape."
Across the way, Gary Sheffield and Sean Casey greet each other loudly, hug, and then begin comparing the batting stances needed to collect inside-out hits. Sheffield looks strangely and insanely happy to be here, and why not? Tiger Town is home to one of the most cohesive, friendly clubhouses I've ever been inside. Maybe it's because the team is fresh off a World Series appearance, or maybe it's early enough in the season where they're not yet sick of each other. "It's good to be here," said Verlander. "We've missed each other."
-by Molly Knight
The outside wall of the clubhouse doubles as Rotation Row. Mike Maroth, Justin Verlander, Bonderman, Nate Robertson, and Kenny Rogers sit in a line and brag about their video game and golfing exploits. The staff likes to go arcades together during the season to race Indy cars and shoot things in the wilderness. "Bondo plays Safari Hunter but Nate's the best at hunting games," says Verlander. "I'm pretty good at--"
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," interrupts Bonderman.
"Do they even have that game?" asks Verlander.
"I don't know," says Bonderman. "But if they did, you'd be good at it."
During Spring Training in Lakeland, Florida, the rotation goes golfing at either Eaglebrook or Bridgewater. Rogers is the best of the group, playing with a handicap of 2. He's also the ace poker player. "Being as old as he is, he better be the best at everything because he has the most practice," says Verlander, who then adds: "Can you at least mention I said that with a wry grin so I don't get in trouble?"
Curtis Granderson stands in the corner with a bat in his hands, talking about how knowledgeable Tiger fans are. "Old, young, male, female--they know everything," he says. "Most of them tell me I remind them of Chet Lemon. I don't know much about Chet, so I probably need to go and watch some tape."
Across the way, Gary Sheffield and Sean Casey greet each other loudly, hug, and then begin comparing the batting stances needed to collect inside-out hits. Sheffield looks strangely and insanely happy to be here, and why not? Tiger Town is home to one of the most cohesive, friendly clubhouses I've ever been inside. Maybe it's because the team is fresh off a World Series appearance, or maybe it's early enough in the season where they're not yet sick of each other. "It's good to be here," said Verlander. "We've missed each other."
-by Molly Knight
Monday, February 26, 2007
The Big Three: 2.26
Monday's Water Cooler Stories:
1) Ohio State 49- Wisconsin 48: 1 vs. 2, or 2 vs. 1, depending on where your poll love lay (that just sounds awkward). Wisconsin are one of the few teams around who actually play like their namesake- Badgers aren't necessarily pretty (at least those striped pants on the mascot aren't), but they're tough and will bite the crap out of you. As Buckeyes surely would, if they had mouths. It was a typical Big 10 slugfest, with less offense than your average middle school contest and enough physicality inside to make Ultimate Fighting promoters smile. In the end, Wisconsin couldn't handle Mike Conley Jr., who made some critical buckets late (including the game winner with four seconds remaining) to give the Buckeyes the Big 10 title. All well and good, but more importantly, how does this change your March Madness pool selections? We still have Siena in our Final Four so nothing changes there, but everyone involved in yesterday's game still gets swank seeds, according to Joe Lunardi.
2) Pistons 95- Bulls 93: Big Ben was booed bountifully (forced alliteration alert!) by the Detroit faithful in his return to the Palace. Considering all the guy did was leave his blood, heart, and hair on the court every night for six seasons in red, white, and blue before accepting a contract offer that prompted a "What the f(*@?" jaw drop from Joe Dumars, it seemed kind of harsh. In the end it was Chris Webber who proved you need not be able to move laterally to be effective in the NBA, dropping a season-high 21 points on the Bulls. Ben Gordon's potential game winning three from the corner hit the far iron, and that was it. Given that the Pistons still look like a team content to do what is required on any given day and no more, it's hard to tell how close the Bulls are to challenging the East's top team. And only really good one, for that matter.
3) Barry Can't Cooperate: Barry Bonds says- or at least his lawyers do- that he can't cooperate with the Mitchell steroid investigation because of possible perjury charges that might pop up. So he can't tell the truth about all the drugs he didn't do? Maybe if he had a TV show to explain all this...
1) Ohio State 49- Wisconsin 48: 1 vs. 2, or 2 vs. 1, depending on where your poll love lay (that just sounds awkward). Wisconsin are one of the few teams around who actually play like their namesake- Badgers aren't necessarily pretty (at least those striped pants on the mascot aren't), but they're tough and will bite the crap out of you. As Buckeyes surely would, if they had mouths. It was a typical Big 10 slugfest, with less offense than your average middle school contest and enough physicality inside to make Ultimate Fighting promoters smile. In the end, Wisconsin couldn't handle Mike Conley Jr., who made some critical buckets late (including the game winner with four seconds remaining) to give the Buckeyes the Big 10 title. All well and good, but more importantly, how does this change your March Madness pool selections? We still have Siena in our Final Four so nothing changes there, but everyone involved in yesterday's game still gets swank seeds, according to Joe Lunardi.
2) Pistons 95- Bulls 93: Big Ben was booed bountifully (forced alliteration alert!) by the Detroit faithful in his return to the Palace. Considering all the guy did was leave his blood, heart, and hair on the court every night for six seasons in red, white, and blue before accepting a contract offer that prompted a "What the f(*@?" jaw drop from Joe Dumars, it seemed kind of harsh. In the end it was Chris Webber who proved you need not be able to move laterally to be effective in the NBA, dropping a season-high 21 points on the Bulls. Ben Gordon's potential game winning three from the corner hit the far iron, and that was it. Given that the Pistons still look like a team content to do what is required on any given day and no more, it's hard to tell how close the Bulls are to challenging the East's top team. And only really good one, for that matter.
3) Barry Can't Cooperate: Barry Bonds says- or at least his lawyers do- that he can't cooperate with the Mitchell steroid investigation because of possible perjury charges that might pop up. So he can't tell the truth about all the drugs he didn't do? Maybe if he had a TV show to explain all this...
Monday Morning Weather Forecast
You might want to carry an umbrella this week, because I plan on making it rain this week in the following locations.It's just me, and a trash bag full of singles.
1) The Car Wash. (I drive a '99 Saab, and every inch of its Scandinavian sensibleness is going to get the full Armor All treatment!)
2) Banana Republic Spring Men's Sale.
3) Carl's Jr. Hello, $6 Burger!
4) The Farmer's Market. I'm feeling all the peaches I want.
5) The News Stand. And I have every intention of getting my copy of Time comped.
BK
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