Might I recommend teaching him to punt?
BK
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
The Worst of the Best- Eastern Conference
So I called the NBA league office today, and they confirmed for me that by rule, eight teams must make the playoffs in the Eastern Conference, regardless of quality.* Same for the Western Conference, except the caliber of ordinariness is substantially higher. In both, the prospect of a sub .500 squad cracking the golden ocho is a lot easier to wrap your head around than, say, a scoring title for Adonal Foyle. But which semi-average team is the most semi-averagetacular? In the W.C., seeds 1-6 are as close to mortal locks as can be with 20 + games to go. Heading eastward, everyone Chicago and north (standings wise, not geographically) is safe. So what teams will "earn" the right to be eliminated by the NBA's quality squads? Let's break down the odds of qualifying for the postseason, starting with the East:
*The call didn't actually happen, but writing it allows me to be extra snarky in my evaluation of the East. I'm that edgy.
Since an 8-2 run can vault one team over about six others, just about everyone is theoretically alive. Just about.
Boston (1,000,000,000-1): No conference is that bad.
Philadelphia, Milwaukee (10,000-1): Impressive as the Sixers two game win streak (including a Vegas busting upset of the Suns Wednesday night) has been, they'll need more than Willie Green power to get them in. As for the Bucks, I saw Bobby Simmons at the post office on Beverly last week. Since they're not making the playoffs, I thought I'd mention it.
Atlanta, Charlotte (1,000-1): With identical 22-36 records and chasing the NBA equivalent of MEAC teams, it's not unlikely but not inconceivable that one of these teams could threaten the top eight. Or they could play for more ping pong balls in the Oden/Durant sweepstakes. I recommend the latter. Really, if either one of these teams tanked, would anyone notice?
New York (10-1): Nothing like the world of low expectations. Even if Isiah doesn't get his lads in the playoffs, a 35 win season could be enough to keep him around. It's a perfect mix for sportswriters- no postseason, and the door will be open to more "That's just Zeke being Zeke" personnel moves this summer.
Orlando (8-1): Earlier in the year when Brian Hill's gang were the Next Big Thing in the E.C., this sort of fade seemed unlikely. Then they went 6-17 over their last 23 games. Looks like Dwight Howard's sticker dunk is destined to be the only highlight of the second half.
New Jersey (4-1): Richard Jefferson's on the shelf with Nenad Kristic, and Jason Kidd seems about a dribble or two away from joining them. Bad back, bad ribs, bad divorce? That's a lot to lug around. Still, Jersey has the inside track for the eight spot, the right to be wiped out by Detroit, and a chance to blow it all up this summer.
Miami (3-1): The "D-Wade's gone, but we're okay!" stretch should last about three more games before Miami comes back to Earth and Pat Riley's hip starts acting up again. The only saving grace for the Heat is that Shaq has played so little this year, little has been used from the half-tank he allots to the regular season.
Indiana (1-1): If I'm a GM, I want Danny Granger on my team. But as good as he is, the Pacers are fine only as long as Jermaine O'Neal stays healthy. Once he goes down, then they're a team built around Mike Dunleavy and Troy Murphy. Those guys are Warriors, and everyone knows Warriors don't make the playoffs.
Up next? The odds on seeds seven and eight in the Western Conference.
BK
*The call didn't actually happen, but writing it allows me to be extra snarky in my evaluation of the East. I'm that edgy.
Since an 8-2 run can vault one team over about six others, just about everyone is theoretically alive. Just about.
Boston (1,000,000,000-1): No conference is that bad.
Philadelphia, Milwaukee (10,000-1): Impressive as the Sixers two game win streak (including a Vegas busting upset of the Suns Wednesday night) has been, they'll need more than Willie Green power to get them in. As for the Bucks, I saw Bobby Simmons at the post office on Beverly last week. Since they're not making the playoffs, I thought I'd mention it.
Atlanta, Charlotte (1,000-1): With identical 22-36 records and chasing the NBA equivalent of MEAC teams, it's not unlikely but not inconceivable that one of these teams could threaten the top eight. Or they could play for more ping pong balls in the Oden/Durant sweepstakes. I recommend the latter. Really, if either one of these teams tanked, would anyone notice?
New York (10-1): Nothing like the world of low expectations. Even if Isiah doesn't get his lads in the playoffs, a 35 win season could be enough to keep him around. It's a perfect mix for sportswriters- no postseason, and the door will be open to more "That's just Zeke being Zeke" personnel moves this summer.
Orlando (8-1): Earlier in the year when Brian Hill's gang were the Next Big Thing in the E.C., this sort of fade seemed unlikely. Then they went 6-17 over their last 23 games. Looks like Dwight Howard's sticker dunk is destined to be the only highlight of the second half.
New Jersey (4-1): Richard Jefferson's on the shelf with Nenad Kristic, and Jason Kidd seems about a dribble or two away from joining them. Bad back, bad ribs, bad divorce? That's a lot to lug around. Still, Jersey has the inside track for the eight spot, the right to be wiped out by Detroit, and a chance to blow it all up this summer.
Miami (3-1): The "D-Wade's gone, but we're okay!" stretch should last about three more games before Miami comes back to Earth and Pat Riley's hip starts acting up again. The only saving grace for the Heat is that Shaq has played so little this year, little has been used from the half-tank he allots to the regular season.
Indiana (1-1): If I'm a GM, I want Danny Granger on my team. But as good as he is, the Pacers are fine only as long as Jermaine O'Neal stays healthy. Once he goes down, then they're a team built around Mike Dunleavy and Troy Murphy. Those guys are Warriors, and everyone knows Warriors don't make the playoffs.
Up next? The odds on seeds seven and eight in the Western Conference.
BK
W2W4- 2.28
#6 Texas A&M vs. #15 Texas (9:00 pm ET, on The Deuce, baby!)- No, you haven't forgotten to keep up with that The Far Side page-a-day calendar your mother bought you. It's not football season. Nope, we're about to turn the page on February, and the uber-event of Wednesday night (other than Lost, which those of us on the west coast will be able to see after the game, no DVR required) is a hoops contest between these traditional Lone Star State rivals. At stake, in one form or another, is a crack at the Big 12 title. Both teams are chasing Kansas, who UT will play Saturday, and both can still catch the Jayhawks. We're not breaking out our TI-81s to explain it all, but suffice to say the loser tonight has a Texas sized crimp tossed in those plans.
With a win, A&M can solidify state bragging rights, a swank seed in the tourney, and help reverse some seriously bad rivalry mojo. Fair to say their fancy, non-Aggie neighbors in Austin have had the upper hand athletically over the last decade or so. And while the Horns show up with the biggest gun in any fight- that would be the I'm-so-freakin'-good-I-renamed-the-Greg-Oden-Sweepstakes freshman forward Kevin Durant (averaging 24.7/11.3, with 1.8 blocks and an infinite amount of "Holy crap!"s a game), the Aggies have the better record, and their own star in senior guard Acie Law IV (17.6 ppg, 46.3% from downtown). Very cool name, very good player, Texas-sized game.
BK
With a win, A&M can solidify state bragging rights, a swank seed in the tourney, and help reverse some seriously bad rivalry mojo. Fair to say their fancy, non-Aggie neighbors in Austin have had the upper hand athletically over the last decade or so. And while the Horns show up with the biggest gun in any fight- that would be the I'm-so-freakin'-good-I-renamed-the-Greg-Oden-Sweepstakes freshman forward Kevin Durant (averaging 24.7/11.3, with 1.8 blocks and an infinite amount of "Holy crap!"s a game), the Aggies have the better record, and their own star in senior guard Acie Law IV (17.6 ppg, 46.3% from downtown). Very cool name, very good player, Texas-sized game.
BK
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The Big Three: 2.28
Wednesday's Big Stories, :
Gator Bait: Florida's grip on a #1 seed is getting greased pig slippery after dropping their third game in four outings, this time to Tennessee in Knoxville, 86-76. Fair to say the skid has added some tarnish to the 17 game win streak the defending national champs enjoyed earlier this year (No doubt Stetson U. is asking themselves, "How the hell did we lose to those guys?"). In fairness, it was hard to tell if Billy Donovan's squad was spooked by UT's Chris Lofton and JaJuan Smith (21 and 16 points respectively), or the sight of legendary Tennessee women's coach Pat Summitt in cheerleader gear and a feather hat. The evidence suggests the latter at least played a part. With Tennessee up three at the 15:29 mark of the first half, Summitt emerged from a pack of (actual) cheerleaders, sang "Rocky Top" at mid-court, then topped a mini-human pyramid. By the end of the half, the Vols had a 19 point lead. You do the math. Florida closed to within nine late in the second half, but a UT run, presumably sparked by coach Bruce Pearl's threat to bring Summitt back on the floor, closed the door on the Gators.
The Mavs Never, Ever Lose: And if they do, it's only with the purpose of starting 13 game win streaks. Their 91-65 beatdown of the Wolves in Minneapolis (somewhere, Prince is crying) gave Dallas their second such victory run of the season, and their third of 10 games or more. That Dirk Nowitzki went off for 24/13/3, Josh Howard had 17 and Jason Terry 18 (along with seven dimes) is all well and good, but it's more fun to look at the absolutely goofy numbers the Mavs are posting these days. They've put the NBA on tilt. Dallas is now 11-0 on the back end of back-to-backs. They didn't lose in February. Yes, it's a short month, but still, that's good. And in the category of "Things That Just Didn't Happen Under Nellie," they held Minnesota to a franchise low 65 points, on a franchise low 29.6% from the floor. Even the Celtics look at 65 points and say, "Wow, that sucks."
People You Won't See On Television Changing Addresses: Surely you've read about this sport called "hockey," since you're likely not seeing it on TV. But when the dust settled on the NHL's trade deadline, some pretty big names were in need of U-Haul vans. Bill Guerin does indeed know the way to San Jose, heading out west from St. Louis to the Sharks in exchange for draft picks and the Earl Boykins of college hockey. The Oilers reached into the chests of their fans and ripped out their hearts, like that wierd guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, trading Brad Smyth to the Islanders, where no doubt the FA-to-be will look for one of them Rick DiPietro deals in exchange for playing for those goofy ass owners. The Red Wings picked up an injured Todd Bertuzzi, while Dallas snagged defenseman Mattias Nordstrom, the hockey equivalent of the Volvos of his homeland.
And One to Grow On: Yes, Pacman Jones has had some trouble of late, but thankfully, people have his back. Awesome.
Gator Bait: Florida's grip on a #1 seed is getting greased pig slippery after dropping their third game in four outings, this time to Tennessee in Knoxville, 86-76. Fair to say the skid has added some tarnish to the 17 game win streak the defending national champs enjoyed earlier this year (No doubt Stetson U. is asking themselves, "How the hell did we lose to those guys?"). In fairness, it was hard to tell if Billy Donovan's squad was spooked by UT's Chris Lofton and JaJuan Smith (21 and 16 points respectively), or the sight of legendary Tennessee women's coach Pat Summitt in cheerleader gear and a feather hat. The evidence suggests the latter at least played a part. With Tennessee up three at the 15:29 mark of the first half, Summitt emerged from a pack of (actual) cheerleaders, sang "Rocky Top" at mid-court, then topped a mini-human pyramid. By the end of the half, the Vols had a 19 point lead. You do the math. Florida closed to within nine late in the second half, but a UT run, presumably sparked by coach Bruce Pearl's threat to bring Summitt back on the floor, closed the door on the Gators.
The Mavs Never, Ever Lose: And if they do, it's only with the purpose of starting 13 game win streaks. Their 91-65 beatdown of the Wolves in Minneapolis (somewhere, Prince is crying) gave Dallas their second such victory run of the season, and their third of 10 games or more. That Dirk Nowitzki went off for 24/13/3, Josh Howard had 17 and Jason Terry 18 (along with seven dimes) is all well and good, but it's more fun to look at the absolutely goofy numbers the Mavs are posting these days. They've put the NBA on tilt. Dallas is now 11-0 on the back end of back-to-backs. They didn't lose in February. Yes, it's a short month, but still, that's good. And in the category of "Things That Just Didn't Happen Under Nellie," they held Minnesota to a franchise low 65 points, on a franchise low 29.6% from the floor. Even the Celtics look at 65 points and say, "Wow, that sucks."
People You Won't See On Television Changing Addresses: Surely you've read about this sport called "hockey," since you're likely not seeing it on TV. But when the dust settled on the NHL's trade deadline, some pretty big names were in need of U-Haul vans. Bill Guerin does indeed know the way to San Jose, heading out west from St. Louis to the Sharks in exchange for draft picks and the Earl Boykins of college hockey. The Oilers reached into the chests of their fans and ripped out their hearts, like that wierd guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, trading Brad Smyth to the Islanders, where no doubt the FA-to-be will look for one of them Rick DiPietro deals in exchange for playing for those goofy ass owners. The Red Wings picked up an injured Todd Bertuzzi, while Dallas snagged defenseman Mattias Nordstrom, the hockey equivalent of the Volvos of his homeland.
And One to Grow On: Yes, Pacman Jones has had some trouble of late, but thankfully, people have his back. Awesome.
The Prank Behind the Prank
By now, most of you have heard about the prank some lil' jokester at Topps played with Derek Jeter's newest card, sticking Dubya in the crowd and Mickey Mantle in the dugout. Well, we've uncovered an even bigger prank that didn't see the light of day, but would no doubt make bigger waves. And outsell Honus Wagner, for sure.
So Steinbrenner won't let the Unit have a 'stache, but Jessica Biel doesn't need to wear a shirt? Seems unfair.
BK
Among the All-Time Disturbing?
As someone who hoped the Los Angeles Clippers would parlay last season's success and new found enthusiasm from a city charged by two theoretical basketball powers into a new era of competitiveness, this season's been nothing short of disappointing. A ridiculous, inexplicable letdown. But whether you're talking about...
A) The public (and waaaaayyyyy distracting) feud between Corey Maggette and Mike Dunleavy that was neither resolved with either increased minutes for the small forward or a trade. Between this situation and the general malaise underway, the "Dunleavy Contract II" era ain't off to a rousing start.
B) Chris Kaman is not only struggling through a injury-laden season, but he also cut his hair. Without the added benefit of laughs induced by his bizarrely hilarious Sasquatch look, "The Artist formerly known as "Caveman" now just comes off like an overpaid white dude. And overpaid white dudes, whether professional athletes, Wall Street employees or Ben Stiller, just aren't all that entertaining.
C) "Rescue Dawn," the Elton Brand-produced arthouse flick with serious award potential (strong festival buzz, a powerhouse Christian Bale performance) saw its release delayed, keeping it from qualifying for 2006's Oscar race. Besides the film losing out on the chance to capitalize on weak competition (I ain't mad at Marty Scorsese, but does anyone really think "The Departed" will be remembered as more than just a make up for "Raging Bull," "Goodfellas" and "Taxi Driver?"), the Clippers lost out on a great story ("Nice guy power forward nominated for a statue!") to distract the public from their weak year.
D) Sam Cassell - More "old" than "sage" this season.
E) Tim Thomas appearing as if his strong work with Phoenix during last year's playoffs was merely a perennial underachiever and former Bulls-exile playing for big bucks and contract security that will immediately de-motivate him, a scenario nobody* could see coming.
... 2006-2007 hadn't officially shifted from a series of revoltin' developments to straight up revolting until 3 minutes into Monday's game against the Bobcats. And by "revolting," I mean, "gross." The only reason I didn't throw up watching Shaun Livingston's knee do a 180 was because I hadn't eaten yet. That said, whole lotta dry heaving goin' on.
But once my stomach settled down to a dull roar, I began thinking about the point guard's injury with a more objective eye. Clearly, the damage was legit, even career-threatening (I wish Shaun all the best in his recovery). And one can make a solid argument that a leg turned backwards wouldn't strike most folks as "pleasant to the eye." But is it really all that nasty in the history of nasty sports injuries? There's only one way to find out, I guess. Compare it to some of the all time... er, "greats" and see if it feels as gruesome.
1985: I remember seeing this when I was 13 and freaking worse than LT. I also distinctly remember being happy that I only played defense and therefore was never the tacklee, just the tackler. As much as Theisman typically annoys me on MNF (and pulls off the "impressive in its own right" feat of rendering Tony Kornheiser unfunny due to his complete lack of spontaneity), I inevitably think back to that hit. And like a guy house training training an pee-flinging but adorable puppy, I just can't stay mad.
1994: Napoleon ain't feeling so dynamite. Then again, when one narrowly avoids amputation, it's not easy to think happy thoughts about ligers and what have you. Thankfully, McCallum managed to find a nice second act in life after his career was cut short.
2002: I live in L.A., so I couldn't go thirty seconds without seeing this clip. Even PBS seemed to be playing it 24/7 (which seemed odd to me, considering their frou-frou intellectual bent, but maybe it was sweeps week).
2003: Whatchu talking about, Willis? Pain. Severe pain.
2005: Wanna know what separates Carlos Beltran and Micket Rourke (aside from three All-Star bids and a gold glove)? Considering Rourke likely has a punch card at his plastic surgeon's office, there's no way the boxing legend would have skipped an offer for facial surgery after this collision.
I don't even know who many of these cats are (except for Clint Malarchuk, because that's a sight permanently seared into one's brain after one viewing), but I'm gonna do the proper research so I can retroactively send them some get-well cards. Certainly well earned on their parts. As for this series, it's all pretty gnarly, although I'm off the opinion that none of the injuries were as painful as the montage's background music.
Soccer. Definitely boring. But not always safe.
I couldn't find any video clips, but Ed McCaffery's leg and Jason Kendall's ankle quickly pop into my head as terrifying.
And finally, skateboarder Pierre Luc-Gagnon doesn't share the actual footage of him busting a knee cap on Tony Hawk's ramp, but the surgery footage is pretty freakin' gross, for those looking outside the box to pick a "winner." And the music's pretty maddening.
So what does everyone think? Does Livingston's knee best those listed above in terms of pure stomach flipping potential? Or as painful as the situation must have been, does it still fall a bit short when stacked against the truly repulsive? And obviously, there must be other injury horrors of significance that just are slipping my mind. If you think I'm missing a worthy candidate, let me know.
Again, the best to Livingston in his recovery.
AK
* - By "nobody," I actually mean "everybody except, apparently, Donald Sterling and Elgin Baylor.""
A) The public (and waaaaayyyyy distracting) feud between Corey Maggette and Mike Dunleavy that was neither resolved with either increased minutes for the small forward or a trade. Between this situation and the general malaise underway, the "Dunleavy Contract II" era ain't off to a rousing start.
B) Chris Kaman is not only struggling through a injury-laden season, but he also cut his hair. Without the added benefit of laughs induced by his bizarrely hilarious Sasquatch look, "The Artist formerly known as "Caveman" now just comes off like an overpaid white dude. And overpaid white dudes, whether professional athletes, Wall Street employees or Ben Stiller, just aren't all that entertaining.
C) "Rescue Dawn," the Elton Brand-produced arthouse flick with serious award potential (strong festival buzz, a powerhouse Christian Bale performance) saw its release delayed, keeping it from qualifying for 2006's Oscar race. Besides the film losing out on the chance to capitalize on weak competition (I ain't mad at Marty Scorsese, but does anyone really think "The Departed" will be remembered as more than just a make up for "Raging Bull," "Goodfellas" and "Taxi Driver?"), the Clippers lost out on a great story ("Nice guy power forward nominated for a statue!") to distract the public from their weak year.
D) Sam Cassell - More "old" than "sage" this season.
E) Tim Thomas appearing as if his strong work with Phoenix during last year's playoffs was merely a perennial underachiever and former Bulls-exile playing for big bucks and contract security that will immediately de-motivate him, a scenario nobody* could see coming.
... 2006-2007 hadn't officially shifted from a series of revoltin' developments to straight up revolting until 3 minutes into Monday's game against the Bobcats. And by "revolting," I mean, "gross." The only reason I didn't throw up watching Shaun Livingston's knee do a 180 was because I hadn't eaten yet. That said, whole lotta dry heaving goin' on.
But once my stomach settled down to a dull roar, I began thinking about the point guard's injury with a more objective eye. Clearly, the damage was legit, even career-threatening (I wish Shaun all the best in his recovery). And one can make a solid argument that a leg turned backwards wouldn't strike most folks as "pleasant to the eye." But is it really all that nasty in the history of nasty sports injuries? There's only one way to find out, I guess. Compare it to some of the all time... er, "greats" and see if it feels as gruesome.
1985: I remember seeing this when I was 13 and freaking worse than LT. I also distinctly remember being happy that I only played defense and therefore was never the tacklee, just the tackler. As much as Theisman typically annoys me on MNF (and pulls off the "impressive in its own right" feat of rendering Tony Kornheiser unfunny due to his complete lack of spontaneity), I inevitably think back to that hit. And like a guy house training training an pee-flinging but adorable puppy, I just can't stay mad.
1994: Napoleon ain't feeling so dynamite. Then again, when one narrowly avoids amputation, it's not easy to think happy thoughts about ligers and what have you. Thankfully, McCallum managed to find a nice second act in life after his career was cut short.
2002: I live in L.A., so I couldn't go thirty seconds without seeing this clip. Even PBS seemed to be playing it 24/7 (which seemed odd to me, considering their frou-frou intellectual bent, but maybe it was sweeps week).
2003: Whatchu talking about, Willis? Pain. Severe pain.
2005: Wanna know what separates Carlos Beltran and Micket Rourke (aside from three All-Star bids and a gold glove)? Considering Rourke likely has a punch card at his plastic surgeon's office, there's no way the boxing legend would have skipped an offer for facial surgery after this collision.
I don't even know who many of these cats are (except for Clint Malarchuk, because that's a sight permanently seared into one's brain after one viewing), but I'm gonna do the proper research so I can retroactively send them some get-well cards. Certainly well earned on their parts. As for this series, it's all pretty gnarly, although I'm off the opinion that none of the injuries were as painful as the montage's background music.
Soccer. Definitely boring. But not always safe.
I couldn't find any video clips, but Ed McCaffery's leg and Jason Kendall's ankle quickly pop into my head as terrifying.
And finally, skateboarder Pierre Luc-Gagnon doesn't share the actual footage of him busting a knee cap on Tony Hawk's ramp, but the surgery footage is pretty freakin' gross, for those looking outside the box to pick a "winner." And the music's pretty maddening.
So what does everyone think? Does Livingston's knee best those listed above in terms of pure stomach flipping potential? Or as painful as the situation must have been, does it still fall a bit short when stacked against the truly repulsive? And obviously, there must be other injury horrors of significance that just are slipping my mind. If you think I'm missing a worthy candidate, let me know.
Again, the best to Livingston in his recovery.
AK
* - By "nobody," I actually mean "everybody except, apparently, Donald Sterling and Elgin Baylor.""
Tiger Town
It's some time between the ungodly hours of seven and eight am when Brandon Inge comes stumbling into the clubhouse looking half-dead. "Ingy's not exactly a morning person," says teammate Jeremy Bonderman. "But he looks especially rough today." A chorus of laughter erupts from the rest of the pitching staff seated near Bonderman, but they aren't reacting to him. Jim Leyland has been tearing back and forth through the players for the past few minutes repeating: "Port Saint Lucie still available!" and they're giggling at their skip. The Tigers are scheduled to play the Reds tomorrow in Port Saint Lucie and the drive is long enough to make everyone want to use their one allotted day off to skip the trip. "Everyone is hiding right now," observed one anonymous Tiger hurler. "It's pretty funny."
The outside wall of the clubhouse doubles as Rotation Row. Mike Maroth, Justin Verlander, Bonderman, Nate Robertson, and Kenny Rogers sit in a line and brag about their video game and golfing exploits. The staff likes to go arcades together during the season to race Indy cars and shoot things in the wilderness. "Bondo plays Safari Hunter but Nate's the best at hunting games," says Verlander. "I'm pretty good at--"
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," interrupts Bonderman.
"Do they even have that game?" asks Verlander.
"I don't know," says Bonderman. "But if they did, you'd be good at it."
During Spring Training in Lakeland, Florida, the rotation goes golfing at either Eaglebrook or Bridgewater. Rogers is the best of the group, playing with a handicap of 2. He's also the ace poker player. "Being as old as he is, he better be the best at everything because he has the most practice," says Verlander, who then adds: "Can you at least mention I said that with a wry grin so I don't get in trouble?"
Curtis Granderson stands in the corner with a bat in his hands, talking about how knowledgeable Tiger fans are. "Old, young, male, female--they know everything," he says. "Most of them tell me I remind them of Chet Lemon. I don't know much about Chet, so I probably need to go and watch some tape."
Across the way, Gary Sheffield and Sean Casey greet each other loudly, hug, and then begin comparing the batting stances needed to collect inside-out hits. Sheffield looks strangely and insanely happy to be here, and why not? Tiger Town is home to one of the most cohesive, friendly clubhouses I've ever been inside. Maybe it's because the team is fresh off a World Series appearance, or maybe it's early enough in the season where they're not yet sick of each other. "It's good to be here," said Verlander. "We've missed each other."
-by Molly Knight
The outside wall of the clubhouse doubles as Rotation Row. Mike Maroth, Justin Verlander, Bonderman, Nate Robertson, and Kenny Rogers sit in a line and brag about their video game and golfing exploits. The staff likes to go arcades together during the season to race Indy cars and shoot things in the wilderness. "Bondo plays Safari Hunter but Nate's the best at hunting games," says Verlander. "I'm pretty good at--"
"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," interrupts Bonderman.
"Do they even have that game?" asks Verlander.
"I don't know," says Bonderman. "But if they did, you'd be good at it."
During Spring Training in Lakeland, Florida, the rotation goes golfing at either Eaglebrook or Bridgewater. Rogers is the best of the group, playing with a handicap of 2. He's also the ace poker player. "Being as old as he is, he better be the best at everything because he has the most practice," says Verlander, who then adds: "Can you at least mention I said that with a wry grin so I don't get in trouble?"
Curtis Granderson stands in the corner with a bat in his hands, talking about how knowledgeable Tiger fans are. "Old, young, male, female--they know everything," he says. "Most of them tell me I remind them of Chet Lemon. I don't know much about Chet, so I probably need to go and watch some tape."
Across the way, Gary Sheffield and Sean Casey greet each other loudly, hug, and then begin comparing the batting stances needed to collect inside-out hits. Sheffield looks strangely and insanely happy to be here, and why not? Tiger Town is home to one of the most cohesive, friendly clubhouses I've ever been inside. Maybe it's because the team is fresh off a World Series appearance, or maybe it's early enough in the season where they're not yet sick of each other. "It's good to be here," said Verlander. "We've missed each other."
-by Molly Knight
Monday, February 26, 2007
The Big Three: 2.26
Monday's Water Cooler Stories:
1) Ohio State 49- Wisconsin 48: 1 vs. 2, or 2 vs. 1, depending on where your poll love lay (that just sounds awkward). Wisconsin are one of the few teams around who actually play like their namesake- Badgers aren't necessarily pretty (at least those striped pants on the mascot aren't), but they're tough and will bite the crap out of you. As Buckeyes surely would, if they had mouths. It was a typical Big 10 slugfest, with less offense than your average middle school contest and enough physicality inside to make Ultimate Fighting promoters smile. In the end, Wisconsin couldn't handle Mike Conley Jr., who made some critical buckets late (including the game winner with four seconds remaining) to give the Buckeyes the Big 10 title. All well and good, but more importantly, how does this change your March Madness pool selections? We still have Siena in our Final Four so nothing changes there, but everyone involved in yesterday's game still gets swank seeds, according to Joe Lunardi.
2) Pistons 95- Bulls 93: Big Ben was booed bountifully (forced alliteration alert!) by the Detroit faithful in his return to the Palace. Considering all the guy did was leave his blood, heart, and hair on the court every night for six seasons in red, white, and blue before accepting a contract offer that prompted a "What the f(*@?" jaw drop from Joe Dumars, it seemed kind of harsh. In the end it was Chris Webber who proved you need not be able to move laterally to be effective in the NBA, dropping a season-high 21 points on the Bulls. Ben Gordon's potential game winning three from the corner hit the far iron, and that was it. Given that the Pistons still look like a team content to do what is required on any given day and no more, it's hard to tell how close the Bulls are to challenging the East's top team. And only really good one, for that matter.
3) Barry Can't Cooperate: Barry Bonds says- or at least his lawyers do- that he can't cooperate with the Mitchell steroid investigation because of possible perjury charges that might pop up. So he can't tell the truth about all the drugs he didn't do? Maybe if he had a TV show to explain all this...
1) Ohio State 49- Wisconsin 48: 1 vs. 2, or 2 vs. 1, depending on where your poll love lay (that just sounds awkward). Wisconsin are one of the few teams around who actually play like their namesake- Badgers aren't necessarily pretty (at least those striped pants on the mascot aren't), but they're tough and will bite the crap out of you. As Buckeyes surely would, if they had mouths. It was a typical Big 10 slugfest, with less offense than your average middle school contest and enough physicality inside to make Ultimate Fighting promoters smile. In the end, Wisconsin couldn't handle Mike Conley Jr., who made some critical buckets late (including the game winner with four seconds remaining) to give the Buckeyes the Big 10 title. All well and good, but more importantly, how does this change your March Madness pool selections? We still have Siena in our Final Four so nothing changes there, but everyone involved in yesterday's game still gets swank seeds, according to Joe Lunardi.
2) Pistons 95- Bulls 93: Big Ben was booed bountifully (forced alliteration alert!) by the Detroit faithful in his return to the Palace. Considering all the guy did was leave his blood, heart, and hair on the court every night for six seasons in red, white, and blue before accepting a contract offer that prompted a "What the f(*@?" jaw drop from Joe Dumars, it seemed kind of harsh. In the end it was Chris Webber who proved you need not be able to move laterally to be effective in the NBA, dropping a season-high 21 points on the Bulls. Ben Gordon's potential game winning three from the corner hit the far iron, and that was it. Given that the Pistons still look like a team content to do what is required on any given day and no more, it's hard to tell how close the Bulls are to challenging the East's top team. And only really good one, for that matter.
3) Barry Can't Cooperate: Barry Bonds says- or at least his lawyers do- that he can't cooperate with the Mitchell steroid investigation because of possible perjury charges that might pop up. So he can't tell the truth about all the drugs he didn't do? Maybe if he had a TV show to explain all this...
Monday Morning Weather Forecast
You might want to carry an umbrella this week, because I plan on making it rain this week in the following locations.It's just me, and a trash bag full of singles.
1) The Car Wash. (I drive a '99 Saab, and every inch of its Scandinavian sensibleness is going to get the full Armor All treatment!)
2) Banana Republic Spring Men's Sale.
3) Carl's Jr. Hello, $6 Burger!
4) The Farmer's Market. I'm feeling all the peaches I want.
5) The News Stand. And I have every intention of getting my copy of Time comped.
BK
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